I’ve never been a fan of Valentine’s Day because I see it as a superficial way to celebrate an idea of love that isn’t constant or reliable. Romantic love, especially for most women, is exciting and temporarily fulfilling, but it can also be devastating and empty. Romantic love aims to fill a need for love that only Jesus can offer.

Real love, biblical love, the Jesus type of love is messy. It’s painful, sacrificial, endures suffering and hardship, and gives willingly without expecting anything in return. Matthew 5:46 says, “For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?”

It’s not a popular type of love, it’s not even always a rewarding type of love, at least not this side of heaven, but it’s a true, biblical love. “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8).  This is a love that is ignored, disregarded, and even frowned upon in our culture. But Jesus reminds us to “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others” (Philippians 2:3-4).

You may have people who take advantage of you. You may have someone who has hurt you that you need to forgive over and over again, but Jesus says to love them non-the-less (Mathew 18:22).  In fact, as real women of Jesus there is never an acceptable reason to not love anyone. And love is expressed in the way we treat them whether they deserve it or not.

So today may be a holiday that we have made about romantic love, but I encourage you to make it a day to challenge how you are loving people in general, the way Jesus tells us to love.

“If I then, the Lord and the Teacher, washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I gave you an example that you also should do as I did to you” (John 13:14-15).

There have been days when it’s difficult to open my Bible, spend time praying, get out of bed, or sleep through the night. It’s even more difficult to feel like I’m pleasing God in those moments. There’s a beautiful truth that can be difficult to accept, “But you are a forgiving God, gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love…” (Nehemiah 9:17).

Whether it’s our best or worst days, there’s comfort in knowing that God’s affection for us doesn’t change and that we don’t have to pretend like it’s all good. One of the best parts of our Jesus is that we can be real with Him when we’re not really feeling it. The even more beautiful part of that is when we ask, He always refills the desire to pursue Him.

We can’t love God and hate His people (Mark 12:31; Matthew 5:43-48). Every single person that walks and breathes on this earth is His creation. Our neighbors, coworkers, police officers, politicians, convicts, addicts, Christians, prostitutes, immigrants, family, the people we run into at the gym, grocery store, post-office, the Jehovah’s witnesses and telemarketers are God’s handiwork.

I recently spoke to my brother. He sincerely dislikes Christians and Christianity and said he couldn’t understand how people can follow a religion that is centered on love and then demonstrate such hate towards people like immigrants. He’s not wrong. And I’m sad that we have misrepresented the Gospel. My non-Christian brother understands the concepts of Jesus and love more than so many of us Christians. It’s challenged me to start running my opinions, words, and actions through the filter of the Gospel. Whether or not we agree with the hot topics of today, how we respond either glorifies the name of Jesus or misrepresents Him (John 13:35).

In the middle of the night the phrase “city on a hill” kept running through my mind. I couldn’t understand why but then found it in Matthew 5:14 which says, “We are the light of the world; a city set on a hill cannot be hidden.” Here’s the thing – we’re not being a light to the world if what is coming out of our mouths is hateful, disrespectful, or apathetic toward any person God created.

Author Bob Goff shared about how his adopted son was a survivor of an attempted child sacrifice in Uganda. It left his son maimed and traumatized. Goff, being a lawyer, went to Uganda and ensured the witch-doctor was convicted. Bob didn’t stop there; he went back and forgave the witch-doctor and shared the Gospel with him in prison. It’s completely possible to stand against injustice while loving the very people who are committing the injustice.

My prayer for you and I today is that we are a city on a hill, a light to every person we meet, loving in our thoughts, words, and actions regardless of our opinions, beliefs or their actions.

We Act On What We Say We Believe or We Don’t

I sat in a small group of women and confessed that I have been grieving the Holy Spirit. It was hard to acknowledge and admit, but God made me so very aware as we’ve been going through the book of Ephesians. Ephesians 4:30-31 explains how we can grieve the spirit through bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander, and malice.

Bitterness and rage have been at the core of my relationship with my mother. I’ve battled it with counseling, persistent forgiveness, and occasional bouts of slander, and honestly, holidays are the worst as I prepare for the visit.

In the past, I’ve consumed enough alcohol that my soul will be completely disengaged for the few hours of dinner and conversation. But I’m becoming aware that as a woman of God, it comes down to how I handle myself in these situations. As we’ve been planning our trip, I’ve felt the distant bitterness and anger well up and God has been convicting me on my disobedience and lack of love.

Holidays can be difficult, but dear love let me encourage you that how we approach these tense, broken relationships absolutely speaks volumes of who we are as women of God. We either act on what we say we believe or we don’t, there is no in between.

Here’s how I prepped for and made it through the holidays:

Staying in the Word – one verse I’m constantly repeating is: You are the vine, I am the branch, apart from You I can do nothing (John 15). I can’t do this on my own successfully, but I can as long as I’m rooted in God my defender – so my mornings must start with Him.

Praying a lot – the morning I wrote this I was up at 3:45 praying because I couldn’t sleep and my heart was extremely anxious and heavy over this. God promises “Come to me all who are weary and heavy burdened and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11).

And I’m remembering the lyrics of Reckless Love “Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God, Oh, it chases me down, fights ’til I’m found, leaves the ninety-nine” Those lyrics may be true for us, but they are also true for the ones that you and I are struggling to forgive and love. 

Our homes are Either a Place of Peace or Conflict

When I taught high school English, we often discussed conflict in literature and how it’s either rooted in thoughts and feelings or caused by relationships. Whether literature or life, conflict competes with peace.

The Bible is filled with promises of peace, yet if you sit in a group of women you will find a common struggle is lack of peace or excess conflict and anxiety – conflict with our identity, past, marriages, faith, families, careers, or decisions. How is this lack of peace possible when it is a trademark of God’s promises?

“Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you.” (John 14:27)

“In Me you may have peace” (John 16:33)

“Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts” (Colossians 3:15)

“The Lord lift up His countenance on you,
And give you peace” (Numbers 6:26)

“The Lord blesses His people with peace” (Psalm 29:11)

“We have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ” (Romans 5:1)

“Now may the Lord of peace Himself give you peace at all times in every way” (2 Thessalonians 3:16)

“And He will be called…Prince of Peace” (Isaiah 9:6)

“Again Jesus said ‘peace be with you’” (John 20: 21)

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him” (Romans 15:13)

“And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:7)

I grew up in a home with constant conflict and I refuse to let my home be a replica of that. We either allow our homes to be a place of peace or conflict. The way I start my day, plan my day, the music I play, the way I speak or respond to my husband, children or anyone in my home either brings peace or conflict.

First Peter 3:10 says, we must seek peace and pursue it. To seek and pursue require intentional action. Dear love, we are completely in control of whether or not we have peace because God has already given us access to it. If you find you are lacking peace, remember it is a gift of God’s but you must intentionally pursue it. 

Lessons in Abiding

“Foolish woman,” I whisper to myself. This phrase followed the realization that spiritual pride was lurking in my thoughts. I’ve learned just how prone we are to spiritual pride. It isn’t obvious but a subtle, dangerous string of thoughts that end in thinking, “I’m finally getting my life together.”

First of all, I’m not getting my life together; God is the one restoring it. Somewhere in February last year, God put it on my heart that I would be learning to Abide. The more time I spend not abiding in Him, the easier it is to believe that I’m the one getting my life together. The easier it is for the spiritual pride to creep in, choking out the truth that I am still as fallen and broken and prone to disastrous sin as I once was. One of my favorite verses is John 15:5 “I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.”

It was in abiding that God revealed how necessary it was for me to be brave in my faith. I can stand up in front of almost two hundred teachers and administrators and deliver a professional development on engaging students in a classroom, but you ask me to share how God’s been working in my life in front of twelve people, and I’m terrified and resistant.

Last year God painfully humbled me in a variety of ways. He brought me to my knees in tears more times than I can count, but He taught me how to abide – how to remain in His presence when I don’t feel like it, when I’m hurting, when I’m tempted to be prideful, when I’m exhausted, when I’m insecure, when I’m confused, and when I’m being foolish. Last year He taught me that only by abiding can I be brave enough to do the things He’s called me to, whether I want to or not.

Take some time to reflect on what God taught you last year. Remembering that He is a God of purpose. Not one single event last year was an accident but used by God to grow you. 

Real Love Demands Something Of Us

“Loving others is the process of losing” – Pastor James McDonald. That’s a bold statement – but it’s biblical. In our culture we’ve believed the lie that if loving others is going to require that we lose in some way, then we need to get out and move on.

One of the original words for love in Greek is Agape – it refers to a divine love (it comes from God). Agape is a brotherly love that is sacrificial, benevolent, kind, and compassionate. Luke 6 says, “…Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” The original word used for love in these verses is Agape. It is actually saying that we are to sacrificially, kindly, and compassionately love our enemies, those who hurt us, mistreat us, and curse us.

God is challenging me this year to pursue Agape. To love all people – strangers, friends, my enemies, those who have hurt me, those who have and will continue to curse me and mistreat me. It will cost me something to love others: time, money, emotions, patience, and humility. It’s a replication of how Jesus loves.

1 Corinthians 13 says, “If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have agape, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have agape, I am nothing. And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have agape, it profits me nothing.”

This my dear sisters is exactly where so many of us go so wrong in Christianity. We think that because we read the Bible, have strong faith, and are using our God given gifts, that we’re doing alright, but when we lack Agape we have missed what Jesus was all about. If we lack compassion, kindness, and resist giving sacrificially at every moment of the day, then we have missed the purpose of the Gospel. 

Women of Godly Love and Fervent Prayer

There’s very few things that can bring me to my knees in complete brokenness, but injustice towards children is definitely one. Our culture has devalued the life of children in a variety of ways and this week brought news of that injustice growing. I found myself full of rage and had to pray about how I’m even supposed to respond to this in a way that’s both loving but doesn’t accept what is so clearly unbiblical.

Our nation is full of division and it leaves so many filled with hate. But God has been teaching me that we can’t expect non-Christians to live according to the same set of morals we have simply because Jesus hasn’t begun to rule in their hearts yet. And we’re not going to win them to Jesus by shoving our beliefs angrily in their face.

It’s okay to be angry, but it needs to be a righteous anger that doesn’t include sin (Ephesians 4:26). How is that possible? It’s not if we’re not first rooted in God and His Word. We’re called to hate the sin not the sinner because we’re also sinners deceived and living in sin at times. Just because we disagree with another’s views doesn’t justify hate. We’re instead required to love the ones we disagree with in words and actions. This doesn’t mean we join the culture, but it means we stand against what’s unbiblical in a loving way (Matthew 5:43-48). The prophets in the Old Testament were a good example of this – their cultures were eroding and when God’s anger burned against the nations the prophets wept for the people who were so misled and living according to the culture (Jeremiah 4-6).

It is absolutely our role first to pray for the people who are against God’s design – pray that God radically changes their hearts because only He can. But we have to remember that we are to be obedient to God first, bold in our faith, yet loving and forgiving to those that oppose what we stand for (Acts 5:28-29).

Being women of godly love and fervent prayer in a time of great division is more powerful than anything else we have to offer.

God Delivers Us From Every Affliction

Afflictions: every Christian will experience some sort of pain or suffering in their lives it is a part of this broken world.

Psalm 34: 19 says

“Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
But the Lord delivers him out of them all.”

It doesn’t say “there may be” but “Many are the afflictions”. It is promised that as believers we are going to be afflicted or suffer some sort of pain in this world.

Here’s the promise: as a believer we will have many afflictions because satan is coming after our hearts and our families. Here’s the better half of the promise: Our ever-loving father will deliver us out of every single one of those afflictions – maybe not the way we want or expect Him to.

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways, declares the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways
And My thoughts than your thoughts.”

Isaiah 55:8-9

Dear sister, whatever affliction you are in now, your will be delivered from it. I don’t know about you, but satan can get me to a place where I want to distance myself from God when I’m struggling and when I feel that way, it is even more important that I draw near to Him. Sometimes that means I’m praying that He will draw me near to Him.

Dear love, if you are in the midst of affliction, suffering, trial remember our Loving God’s promise that He will deliver us out of it. This is not your end, you will not be beat or overcome if you place your hope in His promise. And He is a God of keeping His promises.

Don’t Just Preach, Love

We’ve all heard the cliché Christian comments: “The Lord will never give you more than you can handle” “Jesus loves you” “God is in control” and while not one of those comments is wrong – there is a time when people just need love.

Not once do we read that when someone in need came to Jesus did He say, “I’ll pray for you” or “Don’t worry God’s got this” but He met their needs.

We’re in a culture today where it’s normal to say “we’ll pray for you”, but not normal to take in the homeless man or woman in our neighborhood. It’s normal to give a spiritual pep-talk but not normal to invite people we are unfamiliar with to our homes for dinner.

The truth is that people don’t care how much we preach, they care how much we love. So much of Christianity’s bad reputation is simply in our lack of love for people. These same people who God created in His image and the same people who Jesus gave his life on the cross for.

Luke 6:35
“But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men.”

Let’s choose today to be a generation of women who love louder than our preaching.